Well From San Francisco To Writing Stories....

I went to the sweet city of San Francisco to get passport in order. By God, what a city indeed. so much culture so much to love. Everyone is different in this city, and no cares. It's the best place to raise an open-minded family. I wish I could live there, but I have too many friends and memories here, and the expenses would be ungodly. It was a good time, I loved it there.

I have been thinking about writing. A story, and see how it goes, I start with some characters, a basic setting, and develop from there. But I can't seem to do so, every time I try to write something, I get writer's block and I can't write at all. Ach, well, maybe I can get some help from Don on this........

I march to the Holy Land! But, I am weary of what is ahead......

On August 6th, I shall depart for Jerusalem, and spend three weeks there, enjoying time with family. I will be there around the time of the fall harvest, and I'll have a good serving of fresh fruit and vegetables to eat, haha. It will be good to visit family again. However, I must be careful, as since the current political situation is what it is, I should avoid debate over th issue and try not to spark anger and resentment.

Also, I have fears and suspicions to going, as my father has been talking extensively of having me permanently live there, and even of having me married when I arrive! I can't leave all this behind, I have too much here, too many memories, I have my life planned here! Along with that, he wants me married! I just barely turned sixteen years old, how could he even think of marriage! I am not ready for that responsibility, I don't have, I am not even an adult, I'm not ready for this! Ah, this is turning out to be very frustrating, very frustrating indeed.....

It Is Time....

It is time I do what I've needed to do for a while.

Become a gentleman. A chivalrous person.

I need to change how I go about my life, I need to become a more respectable person. Not by clothes or by my looks, anything like that, but by how I treat others, the morals I live by and whether or not I stick to them.

These rules are the rules of a Gentleman, at least that is how I see it.

-You treat women with the utmost respect and dignity. You don't curse at them, you don't curse with or near them, You do this with all people you meet, but women are a higher priority.

-One must keep in a healthy physical form. I have not been doing this, and it is time I start. Exercise, and plenty of it.

-When you see someone in need, you go to help. You see someone cry, someone is being picked on, someone who is need of help in general, then you go and help them to the best of your ability.

-Persevere. A true Gentleman does not stop in whatever he is doing, and will go after his goals to the end.

-Hygiene. A true Gentleman is always well-groomed and presentable. He always wears decent clothing and never wears clothing that is ripped or torn, and he is thankful and grateful he has good, neat clothing.

-Thankfulness. A true Gentleman is always thankful for what he has, and is never greedy.

-Modesty, a true Gentleman is always Modest, does not brag, and will not ever humiliate a person.

-Knowledge. A true Gentleman aspires to learn about whatever his heart desires, because he knows it is through knowledge that ignorance and hate fails and dies.

-Preparation. A true Gentleman is always prepared for whatever his task is, and always thinks before he speaks or acts.

-Compassion. A true Gentleman is loving caring, and compassionate. he does his best to do good in the world, and will not fall for evil temptations.

That is how I must live my life now. I have always known that is how I should live my life, but I never did Many people will see these "rules" as old-fashioned, lame, unpopular and out of date. i probably will be insulted and ridiculed for it. But I think, these beliefs are ones that all people should aspire to, i think, we all should be gentlemen, chivalrous, determined people, whether you are a man or a woman, this how I think we all should lead our lives, old fashioned ideals or not.

Palestine, Israel, Swing-sets and See-saws...

The Palestinian and Israeli Conflict has been going on for over sixty years. For over sixty years, people have killed each other for the Land, the holiest spot in the world in the eyes of the Christians and Jews, and second holiest by the Muslims. So much blood has been shed by both sides, so many lives ruined, so much sadness.

No one is innocent here. No one. The situation is lopsided, with Israel getting away with breaking international law and driving Palestinians out of their homes, to the illegal siege of Gaza, where 90% of the drinking water there is impure and dirty, where people still live in blown out building, because the necessary aid is being blocked by Israeli authorities, and with Hamas firing rockets into Israeli schools, cafes, and plazas.

Why is the problem so? Well, let us analyze it, shall we?

(NOTE: Beyond historical dates, facts and figures, This is my opinion and view of the situation, and nothing else. i do not mean to offend anyone with what I post here.)

Why did the Israel blockade Gaza in the first place?

Well, Terrorist or Freedom Fighters, depending on your point of view, continue to fire rockets into Israel. Since they refuse to desist firing Rockets, Israel has blockaded Gaza until they do so. However now, Hamas continues to fire rockets BECAUSE of the Blockade. Also, the rockets contain no warheads or guidance guidance systems, they are fired similarly as mortar rounds would be fired. It can also be argued that the rockets are nothing more than a large firework with no powder. For the past nine years, 28 people were killed by attacks in Gaza, and hundreds have been injured, many seriously. The Death numbers are low, but the DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT excuse or condone the attacks by Hamas and other Gaza residents.

So why did the People of Gaza elect Hamas in the first place? Do they all hate Israel and Jews? Why is that?

Well let us go back in time to Germany 1921-1933.

After the first World War, Germany was ruined. pride destroyed, Its army neutered and shamed, Its people humiliated, and its colonies stripped due to the Versailles treaty it signed 1918. It's economy was devastated and inflation ran rampant, caused by when Germany printed massive amounts of money to fund the war. The Wiemar Government was weak, and it was not united, as Germany had dozens of Political parties vying for power in the New Republic. People were homeless and hungry, and the money was worthless, during the Great Depression, one TRILLION (that's right people, TRILLION) German Marks were worth ONE (and ONLY one) U.S. dollar, which was worthless as well. the streets were not safe, you had militarist right wing groups, like the Nazi party's Sturmabteilung (or brown shirts), to leftist Communist gangs fighting and killing each other in the streets. It was fearful, frightening time.

And that is how Adolf Hitler Rose to power.

Using the fears of the German people, he promised them a greater Germany, he promised to rebuild the nation, and to take revenge against the French who humiliated them in the war and again by the treaty. And so that is how he rose to power, and by the time people in Germany realized what he will do and HAD done, it was too late, he had taken control of all of Germany.

So what does this have to do with Gaza electing Hamas?

Well the same thing happened in Gaza. The People in Gaza are hungry, tired, cold and NEED help. they are afraid of being expelled from Gaza by Israel, afraid of another Invasion by Israel, and want to get out of the situation, leave, but they cannot. And with the new generation born in Gaza now reaching their teens, it creates MANY angry youth, unable to change the situation. Hamas talked about revenge against Israel, a Free Palestine and Gaza, and people were desperate for change, and voted for Hamas by the droves. It happened in Germany, Russia, China, and so many other countries, and happened in Gaza. They fire rockets, hate Israel, because the people in Gaza have nothing to lose, nothing to return to, very little hope, but much hate and anger.

So what do we do to solve it? Well, this is a gamble, and it might work, it might not, but even if it does not work, you cannot say it wasn't money well spent, it wasn't a good investment to peace.

Firstly: The U.S. needs Withdraws aid to Israel. They stop funding their military, donating to Israel, and they keep watch on AIPAC (American-Israeli Public Affairs Committee) activities. Israel is breaking the rules and ignoring criticism because it has the U.S. backing every move it makes. When Israel started, it was the little kid on the block that everyone bullied (the 48 war, the Yom Kippur war, etc.), and went to the Adult on the Block (the U.S.) for help. Well, the little kid (Israel) now figures out, that HE can bully all the other kids that bullied him (Iraq, Egypt, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon.), and whenever they complain, he can just go to the bi adult and say, "I'm defending myself." If Israel had little support for the U.S., it can't get away with what it does, and will start obeying the rules (The UN Resolutions).

Now many Pro-Israelis will say, "If the U.S. removes support, then it will be the Destruction of Israel as we know it.", but that is a bit of a hollow argument. Israel has nuclear weapons. Let me repeat. Israel. has. NUCLEAR WEAPONS. If any country attacked Israel now, Israel could create a Multiple Doomsday Scenarios for the attackers, it can turn the Middle East into an Atomic, Wasteland Desert. It can make Tehran, Baghdad, Beirut, Amman, Cairo, with nuclear fire. Also, Israeli military, tactics and troops outstrip those of the Middle East. So on its own, Israel is very well protected.

Secondly: The U.S. Spends 60 billion dollars a year on the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. What if we took another 60 billion, and spent it on Gaza? And no, we do not give it to the governments, because if we gave it to Israel, we will never see the money again and never know how it was spent, if we gave it to Fatah, all we'll do is create a bunch of millionaire with Swiss Bank Accounts, because Fatah's corruption problem makes the corruption here in America look tame, and if we give it to Hamas, they'll only spend it on weapons and MORE weapons. Instead, we hire some American Contractors, French Contractors, German Contractor, Chinese contractors and they build children's parks, streets and roads, rebuild housing, fix the water filtration system in Gaza, Rebuild hospitals and schools, get it's economy going and make Gaza prosper and it's people well taken care of and Happy, if you do that, the hatred, the desperation and the anger is non-existent, and people will think twice before they gamble away their society. Give them something to lose, something they want to keep, and I bet you Hamas will stop firing rockets, Hamas probably won't even be elected into power, the Gaza problem will be solved. And even if it doesn't work, even if we spend all that money, do all those renovations, and Gaza still-fires rockets, yo can't tell me it wasn't money well spent, it wasn't a good investment to peace. Because everything we have been doing for 62 years, all the violence, all the blood shed, it hasn't been working. It will NEVER work. All we are doing is feeding into a cycle of hatred a violence, and it will never stop until both sides destroy each other, and even then it might not stop. Because the Israelis are horrible, and I mean Jesus Christ GOD AWFUL when it comes to diplomacy, or public relations of any kind. Hamas is just as bad at it as well. What needs to happen is that they need to stop stiffening their necks and talk about "national Security and Defense, blah blah," and start talking about peace. We need new, mentally flexible YOUNGER leaders on both sides to work this out. And renovating Gaza from the hell-hole it is to a decent society to live in, would be a good step to peace.

Sixteen Years of Life....

Today, at exactly 7:30 am, I became 16 years old. This is a pinnacle moment in my life, as it is when I call drive, work and I become more mature in my life. I hope to become a better person as I age, as the older I am, more people expect of me, and the more people respect my opinions and what I have to say. I cannot fail in this.

The song I referred to will not be spoken of today. It is my birthday, not a time for sulking and sadness.

I went to Starbucks with Austin Reed. We had a talked, laughed, and had fun.

Maybe a bit more tomorrow

I Hope I Do Not have to......

Well well well, yet another post in my blog. Welcome friend, please, read on.

So far my father is doing well. A bit weak and tired, but holding up pretty decently.

My 16th birthday is tomorrow, and I'll be at Starbucks with Austin and Michael. Just a quiet gathering of friends, nothing special.

I've been wondering lately

There is a song that that I hope I do not have to write, and that song is the song of reject.

I will emulate more tomorrow.

He Hath Returned...

My father, that is, he is back from the hospital and doing well so far. He will have a follow-up appointment in two days.

I will write more tomorrow.

The Borders Are Blurring... And Becoming One.....

Reality & Fantasy. Both amazing and horrible things in their own right. For me, the borders of both dimensions are beginning blur, and at times they mix to become one in my days of extreme stress and sadness. Most often, this takes place in the night.

I do not know if I am in need of help, but that I am a person merely seeking solace in a world that gives him little. The worlds I create and dream in my head, I take part of to escape when my reality is too stressful to cope with.

Which is why I am frightened of this. will I become so fused into my fantastic dreams and worlds that I will lose all touch with reality, and live in my own head? Will I forget about the memories and friends here, t create new ones that do not exist in flesh and blood, but in thought and imagination? I do not know. I must think over this before I go further. I must solve this.

The Emotions Of A Man...

Can be strong, powerful ones.

I spent hours last night, thinking. I always think. I always think of this. So it's no different from all the others I've contemplated over this, all the other times I've thought up of possible scenarios and outcomes over this, and then just fantasied over this.

I talk of a specific emotion.

Love.

What an interesting emotion it is, love. It can destroy and create and man. It can motivate thousands to stand up to what they see and do something about it, it can cause someone to scar the one he/she loves forever. What an interesting emotion indeed.

Now here's the big kicker you've been waiting for.

I am in love.

BOOM! Didn't see that coming did ya?

Of course you did. You just didn't want to say anything.

It's 3:15 in the morning as I write this. The night, it is a time where I can truly think, where my mental thought process is at it's full capacity. So I think of how much I love that woman, and why. i have many reasons, I may share them in later posts, it beyond her physical beauty, in fact, let's name a few:

-She is a kind sweet person.

-She is loyal, and does her best for her friends.

-There is always much to do when she is around, never a bore.

But her heart belongs to that of another man. By God, my heart aches for her voice, her warmth, her touch, aches so that my fantasies can turn into reality, and we are in each others arms, happy and care-free. Yet, I feel like I know hat must be done.

Ach, but who am I, a mer fifteen year old teenager, who knows nothing of life, to say such things? My heart, my gut, my brain tells me, that I love this woman so much. I think, I have a good reason to say I do. And if this isn't love, I don't know what is.

I love her so much. I want her to be happy, always. her pain hurts me too, because there's is nothing I can do to ease it. I want her to always be happy. And the man she loves now makes her happy. So, I am content with this. Our friendship now is very special to me, and I feel lucky to be her friend.

But, I feel, she i have angered her, and this bothers me, i feel horrible over this.... What should I do? I must think over this, and come up with a decision by morning.

Writing & More Writing.....

Well, Not entirely much has happened to me lately. I was awake until 5 am, and slept for a good 5 hours. I've been writing music, and I've been writing a song, I call "Together Through The Fields" Yes, yes, I know it sounds incredibly corny, but the way the song written, I cannot think of a more fitting name. But I cannot end it. I cannot find a good ending for it, and every one I come up with seems hollow, and doesn't really finish the song, as though you're expecting the song to continue on for a few seconds more. I'm just baffled by this.

Beyond that, I've been thinking about things. All sorts of stuff, politics, my father, music, whatever happens to be on my mind. Eh, it' such a complicated and cruel world, is it not?

My father is still in the hospital. He had surgery done on his arm, and the arm began to bleed and got infected. He will be there indefinitely.

I thought about her a bit today. I wish she was here.

-Adam

Another way to vent...

Well, this is it, isn't it? I make a blog and talk about whatever whenever, etc. etc. Well, I must say, It will be interesting, typing out my thoughts and feelings to the uncleaned masses, and seeing their reactions, if they even will read this in the first place. But eh, it's another way to vent, and I'll gladly use it, whether people see or not, though it would be... interesting to say the least, if they viewed my blog.

So let's get cracking, shall we?

Okay, today was decent. I spent all day on the PC, a few hours playing Fallout 3.

And an hour ago my father had to go to the emergency room.... again.

From Prostate Cancer, to preparing to Dialysis, he has gone multiple times, for various reasons. Now we wait for him to go on Dialysis, since he is Diabetic, he is not eligible for a kidney transplant, so he must spend the rest of his life on dialysis, the Artificial kidney.

What does that mean? Well, when he goes into dialysis, he will die within a few years. Theoretically Dialysis can keep a man alive for decades, but more than likely he will die in a few years from complications, or from missing a session, etc.

So I have been doing my best to mentally prepare for his death in a few years. he probably might make it to see my graduation from high school. hopefully.

Ach, But I am a pessimistic sort, am I now? Though yes, I do tend to be that way, I find ways to adapt to the situation, or at least I try to. Which I why I have been preparing for his death, trying to make my father's last few years as comfortable for him as I can, and ready myself for his death. i am not afraid of death. It is not the end of the journey, as some think, but the beginning of a new one. But I would like to have my father's death postponed a few years.

Ah, it is at times like this I love her and miss her the most...